It's norm in research life that we leave something over the weekend to grow, incubate, etc. so that we could have a good start for the week ahead. Likewise, I also did the same most of the time.
The last weekend of August happened to be the last bank holiday of the year in the UK so my boyfriend invited me to visit his family up north. It was a good weekend, and a long one too. We went to the Peak District which is relatively close to his hometown. I wished I brought my proper walking boots so that I could try walking up to Mam Tor. Unfortunately, a pair of simple sneakers was my companion for the weekend. Let's just say, I still savoured the beauty of Peak District from afar where heather bloomed.
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| View from Mam Tor |
Why did I mention such a nice weekend? Oh well, in order for me to not freak myself out after a good weekend, I did set up some cells to grow over the weekend. I ensured the cultures were bubbling with carbon dioxide before I left the lab on Friday. Little did I know what awaited me on Tuesday was a huge shock that some kind individual had turned off my CO2 supply over the weekend! Yes, the conditions of my cell growth was compromised, so I had to subculture them and waited for another day or so before I continued my experiment. I did cry like a sad kitten abandoned by its mother in my boyfriend's lab out of shock, surprise and anger. I couldn't understand why it happened, to the point of questioning my memory if I did turn it on. Thinking back, I was and am very certain I did turn it on and the cultures were bubbling before I left.
Something took me by surprise again on Saturday evening. As you know, recently I am running some experiments which involved electron microscopy. Usually, I do fixing and embedding myself. I started the process of fixation and embedding on Thursday, which meant I had to return during the weekend to refresh the epoxy resin twice a day. I had prepared fresh resin for the day on Saturday morning and then left for a short visit to Burwell to meet up a German friend of mine. An overzealous individual roaming in the imaging center over the weekend had decided to clean up anything that had my name written, so when we returned to the imaging center for the final refresh of resin, I was totally appalled that my resin had gone missing from the stirrer. More upsetting was to find my pot sitting in the oven with so much of waste in it. I felt so sick when I saw the covers which I labeled with my name sitting in the oven covering pots filled with so much of waste. I didn't have my phone with me, else I would have taken a photos of it. I am helping my boyfriend to fix some of his samples which he needs for his publication. So he was with me when I performed the fixation/ embedding process. I'm glad he was with me to witness all these. We had to prepare fresh resin for the evening. I'm saddened by the fact someone is so inconsiderate, especially we sort of knew who was the other person roaming in the imaging center that weekend. I'm not pointing anyone because I can't be sure, but this raises my alarm once again that someone is out to get rid of me.
A threat had been delivered to me verbally on the evening when the outcome of my first year report was out:
"You can either exit gracefully with an MPhil, or if they let you stay, you will lose all your freedom and they'll observe you like a hawk and the slight mistake that you make, they'll show you the door".
The same individual who delivered such statement also told someone in the department that my cakes tasted horrible and he wished a previous PhD student was still there because her cakes were great. Apparently my cakes tasted alright and people do love it. It was vicious and mean to say things like that to a mutual co-worker, especially when this person ate the cakes I made. Unless, of course, he pretended to ingest it but secretly had been throwing them away. That, I wouldn't know.
I am worried. I am appalled. I am helpless. I am in the dark. I am getting depressed and paranoid.
Yet I know, I am not wrong to fight for something I know I can do and to fight against those who had been messing with my potential of doing a PhD for the past one year. And I am receiving help from the University Counselling Services to ensure I remain sane. I am still producing results despite all my health issues and weird things which are going on around me.
Here's an article published on Nature 467, 516-518 (2010) about Research Integrity. Have fun reading!
A threat had been delivered to me verbally on the evening when the outcome of my first year report was out:
"You can either exit gracefully with an MPhil, or if they let you stay, you will lose all your freedom and they'll observe you like a hawk and the slight mistake that you make, they'll show you the door".
The same individual who delivered such statement also told someone in the department that my cakes tasted horrible and he wished a previous PhD student was still there because her cakes were great. Apparently my cakes tasted alright and people do love it. It was vicious and mean to say things like that to a mutual co-worker, especially when this person ate the cakes I made. Unless, of course, he pretended to ingest it but secretly had been throwing them away. That, I wouldn't know.
Yet I know, I am not wrong to fight for something I know I can do and to fight against those who had been messing with my potential of doing a PhD for the past one year. And I am receiving help from the University Counselling Services to ensure I remain sane. I am still producing results despite all my health issues and weird things which are going on around me.
Here's an article published on Nature 467, 516-518 (2010) about Research Integrity. Have fun reading!
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Positive suggestions help to keep me going. Thanks! :)