Anxiously Taking Off...

Source: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/64/Malaysia_Airlines_Boeing_777-200ER_9M-MRO_IST_2012-1-23.png

Finally, after 6.5 months, the first phase of my PhD is sort of taking off. I hope that this first phase will reach its final destination of a first year report which enables me to officially become a Cambridge PhD student, rather than the current probationary status. This post also serves as a tribute to all the passengers of MH370, the aircraft which also the last location where my cousin worked as the cabin crew. Despite not knowing him well when he was around because of our large age gap, I know David, my cousin, worked hard his whole life, and went through various struggles. He never gave up on life, on love. I wish I can learn this attribute of his.

I am nervous, and anxious too, especially after such a long hiatus on research due to my health, the travels, and the graduate conference (as much as I tried to deny the fact that I did put in much time and enjoyed doing it). Sometimes I dislike the fact that I could catch a cold too easily, and with the new addition to my medical history of acute sinusitis, my sinuses become infected twice this year alone. All these took time away from me trying to work hard because I sleep for days. Right now, I am worried I can't meet the par of passing my first year though I have another 3 months before the reality sets in. What if I have to go home because I can't complete year 1 and pass this probation? Everyone knows he/she has worked hard for a year, so it is natural passing first year isn't difficult. For me who spent most of my time sleeping and idling, it is as natural as them, only I'm at the other side of the fence. Working hard is not my forte. Yet, I know it takes hard work whether or not I'm good at it.

I saw this online when I was searching for the quote... "Don't be upset with the results you didn't get from the work you didn't do".

Source: http://www.savingadvice.com/articles/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/insecurity.jpg

I guess me browsing through the Wellcome Trust Sanger Institute is a cause of my anxiety. There is a group who is doing an awesome job with malaria. I saw their papers and found those interesting. Who am I to compare to them? All highly-skilled bioinformaticians and biologists; big brains gathering big data as a team of researchers. I need to overcome this insecurity I feel from within, really.

This is my behind-the-scene, nothing too bright or shiny, as how anyone would see a Cambridge graduate student should be. We all are still graduate students, just like anyone else in the world. We struggle too, and maybe, more than the rest of the world.