Ground Zero

I knew this day would come,

When I've to restart from nothing. 

It wasn't easy before I met you.

It wasn't easy now too.

It has been a year in the favour of the Lord.

But what happened stays where it happened.

Or perhaps,

It had been just me and me alone,

And nothing ever happened?

Every closed door hurts me,

But I know my Lord stays with me.

There's nothing else that I can hold on to,

Nothing but the hope my Lord is by my side.

Testimonials

Everyone has a story to tell.

Everyone has a history to hide.

Everyone has a mission to answer to.

Everyone has an unexplainable circumstance.

Touching.

Healing.

Sharing.

Perhaps,

One day,

I'll have the courage to tell,

That story,

That history,

That mission,

That circumstance.

Invisibility in Families

Visibility defines something which can be seen.

Invisibility, 

Likewise, has the opposite meaning.

More often than not,

The sense of not being appreciated exists.

It probably started off young.

Family members overlooking achievements,

Thinking some can be left unsaid.

Is it that hard to feel happy for your own child?

Is it so challenging to congratulate one another?

I won't blame it on Asian culture.

This scenario occurs globally.

Parents downplay children's ability,

Siblings tease each other's skills.

Rivalries are the only thriving concept.

"Why can't you be like so-and-so?"

"Why aren't you giving as much as so-and-so?"

"Why does your job pay you so little? Unlike so-and-so."

"You can't do things right like your brother."

"Your sister has got straight As, so must you."

"Are you embarrassed of the scar? Don't repeat it again!"

"If you want me to love you, be good."

Guess who is the happiest when this happens?

Yes,

The devil.

Why?

All these idiosyncrasies drive family apart.

All these rivalries lead children into their caves.

Hurt, unloved, invisible.

Why instilling rivalry is preferred?

Why appreciation is so expensive?

Many have inner child who never grew up,

Just because all they knew was rejection.

And if you believe in God,

Where is love?

Home Away From Home

Where is home?

It is where one is accepted and loved,

no matter how and what they do.

Many tend to feel lonely,

thinking where they are is where home is.

It could be a dysfunctional family,

it could be a dominant, overbearing mother,

it could be a demanding wife,

it could be an absent husband,

it could be an inconsiderate sibling.

Home is where we are celebrated.

Not because of what we do,

but because of who we are.

Don't tell me what I should do,

or what I should not do.

If you don't live my life,

or know my situation,

then perhaps it is safe to say,

accept me even when I'm so dang imperfect.

Am I home?

Am I away from home?

I know where my true Home is.

But my time has yet to arrive.

My calling is to be in the world,

where I make temporary stays.

Maybe that's where your true Home is too.

Where God resides and embraces us all,

no matter who we are,

what we do,

how we think.

Vacuum Storage Bag

Something which brings smiles to my face.

Funny and adorable memories!

Yet,

Today my tale is a sad one.

Especially when I see my clothes fluffing up.

Yes,

The valve cover was mysteriously broken!

It's a horror,

When I see them taking up precious space

Of my luggage bag.

But,

What can I ask for,

When it's a £1-for-2 item,

Off the shelf in Poundland?

Last hope for me,

Is that my friend is willing

To save my day,

By bringing back some,

On his way home.

What a start for me!

Barely a week back to Malaysia,

Still under the weather,

A.k.a. flu,

Plus a morning horror story to share!

 — feeling sick.

Release and Relief

Release,

A process of letting go.

Relief,

An emotion generated when one feels free.

Captive,

That's what we make of ourselves.

Enslavement,

That's how we torment ourselves.

Yet,

We aren't aware we do these to ourselves.

We thought we knew ourselves better

Than to be captivated or enslaved.

The moment of realisation,

Will be the moment we release ourselves

From that very cell we built within us.

Then,

Relief will come to existence.

Waiting...

This is the most challenging verb.

Many have less than enough patience.

Some said,

Not enough time to wait.

The torments of waiting:

heartaches,

loneliness,

uncertainties,

insecurities,

anxieties.

Yet,

despite knowing the waiting may be the best test,

and best training,

still,

I detest waiting.

Though I have decided,

waiting is still the best thing to do.

Yeah,

I need approval for deferral.

It's been more than a week.

No news..

I hope it is equals to good news.

Sizzling Heat

When having sore throat and all,

Heat isn't inviting. 

After whole year of chills,

Imagine a 10-degree increase.

The water in my body fizzling away.

Dang!

I'm dehydrating like a fish out of water!

Long Distance Flight

It is akin to a marathon.

Requirements include:

Endurance.

Patience.

Probably stamina too.

Interesting observation in Dubai.

All sorts of methods to kill transit time.

Sleeping behind rows of benches.

Covered by blankets is the luxurious ones.

Some only had jeans and shirts,

With their palms in between their thighs.

To keep warm.

I'm blessed.

Just an hour in Dubai.

Always a fleeting visit.

I prefer so.

Can't wait to lie down and rest.

To nurse my body back to health.

Missing everyone whom I bade goodbyes last night.

Peer Pressure

Two things I dislike

One is hypocrisy

Two is peer pressure

Go ahead and do what you want

As long as you don't come and tell me

I gotta be who you want everyone to be

I'm not some kid

Needing a group so much that I'd die.

I'm fine being aloof and detached,

And oblivious to weird statements,

Such as a famous "there's a lot of us this year".

I was initially excited knowing there's a healthy bunch

Now I think I might be dealing with peer pressure,

The infamous, and rather deadly,

If you say no, you're not one of us.

If you don't join this and that,

You're out.

Excuse me,

If you force me to drink like a fish

Or to only be with a certain group,

I'll make sure I'm not part of your exclusive group.

I don't need this.

Last Time in 2013

Here am I

Sitting in the waiting room

For the last time in 2013

To Southampton I go.

All familiar faces I'd meet

Indeed it's excitement I feel.

Yet some I'd bid farewells

For a long time them I will not meet

Some I'd bid goodbyes

For I shall see and meet very soon.

A year came and went.

Good friends I've met.

Those who are there

That I should stay sane and oblivious.

Of course I'm fine.

Finer than ever.

Some are horrible and rude backstabbers.

Somehow Truth prevails.

To Southampton I go

To my beloved ones.

All praise and honour be to God!

Oblivion

I never knew how detached I was

Until I hear tales from observers.

It might be some blessings,

I'd have suffered much if I knew.

I was deeply distressed,

How human beings could be so ruthless,

And unkind.

Yet I know they are sufferers too.

Unhappiness loomed over them always.

Inability to trust was their forte.

As for me,

My oblivion brought me to joy,

Despite my oblivion towards the oblivion.

Goodbye?

Sitting in the train station

After yet another "amazing race".

This is another of my "missed trains" record.

In three days,

I probably missed more trains than a year in UK.

What a way to bid farewell.

Not even a proper goodbye hug.

But always a memorable time together.

I probably said more goodbyes to everyone else.

Than the one who was the reason I came.

Till the next memorable time..

Be safe and have a great Eurotour.

Look forward to hear great tales.

P/S: NOC bear..

 — feeling nostalgic with Edgar Aristion.

Last Night in Lincoln

I just got back from library.

Spent all my print money,

except for the one penny.

Printing stuffs here and there.

A lot of reading materials to prep myself,

for the upcoming three years in Cambridge.

Right now,

sitting,

feeling totally exhausted.

I still have luggage to pack.

The most un-amusing thing to do.

I'm going off tomorrow morning.

Time to bid farewell to Lincoln..

The place I call home for a year!

Midnight Hunger

Yes.

It is past midnight.

I am still struggling to pack.

As usual.

Why can't the hoover be a silent machine?

Gave up trying to wake neighbours by the noise.

Use body weight to compress.

What?

The vacuum storage bags.

And I get hungry.

Craving for a hot pot of...

INSTANT NOODLES.

Wrong Train

I'm as blur as a sotong.

I went on the wrong train.

And the train I was supposed to be on..

Left.

The train I was on,

Doesn't bring me there.

So,

All my appointments are delayed for an hour.

Thanks to myself.

Eeekkk.

Preparation

Yes,

This chronicle shall continue further. 

It shall be based in Cambridge.

Perhaps it'll take a while before I get started.

Today is the first meeting.

Nervous about meeting my new boss.

A day trip to Cambridge.

Weather is cooling down fast.

Those who know me know I love warm room.

Hopefully the rooms in Fitz will be warm.

Sleeping with Pets

I've always wondered

But never experienced

How is it like to have a pet to sleep with?

For once,

tonight,

I have a visitor who's friendly,

my friend's pet kitten.

I'm honoured indeed.

Soton and Me

Tonight will be the last night

For many of my friends

In Glen Eyre Hall,

And Montefiore House.

As I wait for the bus to the train station

Which should be here but not yet seen

I have nothing to do but to wondee

For countless times

I stayed over..

It's like a home to me too.

Saw winter

Saw spring

Saw summer

And now,

Saw autumn

Seasons in a year indeed.

Go! Rhino

Spent the whole afternoon hunting

For rhino sculptures in Soton!

What fun it was,

Whenever I found them.

Colourful guardians of tourist spots,

Interesting and creative designs.

Discovered Southampton finally,

After the countless times of visit.

Brother Sun walked with me the whole day.

I've been hoping such day would come,

When I finally see warm Soton!

Southampton

A place I've been countless times,

Thanks to the friends I've got here.

Never been a traveller here.

So today,

With brother Sun shining bright,

I'm being a traveller

To hunt down the colourful rhinos!

GOOD NEWS!

The first reaction:

Tears of joy.

A miracle from God indeed.

Indeed, nothing is impossible with God.

The news arrived when I arrived in Wales,

while still in the Isle of Irishmore,

the cruise ferry which brought me back safely to the UK.

All I could say is God is good,

and His timing is the best.

Against all odds it was.

Yet, He made all things possible.

The final condition is met.

By His miraculous grace.

God's willing it shall be,

I will join Cambridge next January.

Special thanks to St. Jude,

my special patron of helpless and desperate cases,

for his intercession of my petition,

for financial support to do PhD in Cambridge.

All glory and praise be to God, the almighty Father!

http://www.ewtn.com/Devotionals/novena/jude.htm

End of 16 Days

In another 8 hours,

I shall bid the land of Ireland farewell.

Will I return?

Will I not?

All but God's will to say.

A pleasure indeed,

this journey.

Ups and downs,

here and there.

With a grateful heart,

to St. Teresa of Lisieux as my companion,

and to the people from all walks of life,

who became my friends.

Not forgetting old friends who took time to meet up.

Spectacular is the creation of God,

wonderfully and intricately made.

The breathtaking scenery is unforgettable.

Completely etched within me.

A journey of joy I'd name,

with a bit of Irish luck,

I hope to find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

My Worst Choice of Hostel

I made a wrong choice of hostel stay.

I should have known better than to stay above a bar.

No lock in the bathroom.

No kitchen facilities.

No secure lockers.

Loud music is fine.

But...

Random noisy kiddos as roomies?!

No problem at all.

As long as they don't be stupid,

and ask silly, obvious, idiotic questions.

I'd throw my boots at them,

if they come back drunk and noisy.

Ugh.

Guinness and Football

Here sitting in an Irish pub,

Watching Ireland vs. Sweden in FIFA qualifying match.

1-1 now.

I'm in Ireland.

Obviously who I'm supporting.

Ha ha ha.

C'mon.

More goals please!

Food Spree

After 11 days of scrimping on food

Today I'm going wild.

Maybe just a little.

Started the day with daily mass.

Then subconsciously walked to English market.

A superb bowl of mushroom soup.

And savoury salami sandwich.

End the meal with a cuppa latte.

Perfect life.

Going slow today in Cork.

Just chilling out here and there.

After 11 days of gungho-ness,

I'm slowing down for reflection.

Ahh...

When life gives me lemon,

I'm chilling with a lemon cheesecake,

And a cuppa.

Walking

I'm not a cyclist for sure

Nor am I a big time walker.

Yet today,

I covered 15 km.

On FOOT.

The last 5 km was a mental battle.

From the typical "I should......"

To temptation of hitchhiking.

I tried to focus on how Jesus survived back then.

Walking from one city to the next.

And He didn't complain that it was too far.

Then why should I?

It was a great 15 km walking experience.

Amazing landscapes almost everywhere.

Drinking Wasp

While having lunch at Torc Waterfall,

I almost drank a wasp.

Yes,

The 6-legged creature with a needle at its butt.

It was at the mouth of my drink,

Right at the moment I wanted a sip.

I could feel the hair rubbing my inner lips.

What a great relief I wasn't stung!

I could have died.

Yeah.

My new Dutch friend would definitely remember me!

Misunderstood

Being a solo Asian traveller myself,

With a rather tight budget,

I often am being misunderstood.

Fellow travellers seem to be awkward,

As though Asians should travel in taxi,

Staying in posh hotels.

Aside from Dublin,

I haven't seen any Asian travellers

Staying in hostels in west of Ireland.

A culture shock for me indeed.

I was asked few times if I speak English.

If not English,

What do I speak really?

Funnily annoying actually.

*Gasps of horror*

"Stop being so narrow-minded!"

That was often at the tip of my tongue.

I just gotta be patient and ignore them.

I'm not a posh Asian.

Just a world traveller with limited monies.

Hostels

Many travellers are familiar with this term

Some negative circumstances might include:

Rowdy drunks.

Noisy sleepers.

Hectic traffics.

Dirty linens.

Unhygienic toilets.

Uncomfortable beds.

These are the most frequently occurred conditions.

Yet,

Here in Ireland,

Out of the four locations I've stayed,

Only once I encountered drunks.

Tonight,

I'm hiding under the duvet,

Just to type this chronicle.

Everyone was fast asleep,

When I got to the room.

Concerned that I'd disturb them.

I probably did.

Total silence.

Total darkness.

Comfy bed.

Warm duvet.

Plus having a friary next door.

The smell was not awesome.

Can't do much about it.

At least it's a roof over my head.

The Way to Love

I'm bidding goodbye to Galway

With hopes one day I'll return

Only a short day here

Yet

I've come to love this city

A city of God and His people.

This bleeding heart of mine

In need of God's healing love

With St. Therese of Lisieux

My dear patron saint

Whose name I adopted at baptism

I pray in this journey of love

God's healing hands will bring me to health

Once again

Right from ground zero.

Delusion

Ask 10 individuals,

Would you rather know the truth, 

Or be in an delusion?

Maybe 9 out of 10 would choose the latter.

The odd one out might eventually chooses too.

The truth hurts.

But truth will bring healing too.

During the process,

We tend to wonder if it'd ever come.

This "so-called" healing.

It will.

At least this is what I believe in.

The road in front of me is difficult.

I can only trust through hurts,

I will be healed.

I might have been hurt,

But I'm not broken.

This odd me doesn't want to live in delusion.

WiFi

It's a norm

Travelers vs free internet.

Hostels and free WiFi should be a norm.

Minus the one time in Reykjavik.

So far,

I had been pleased with the WiFi European hostels provided.

But Irish hostels...

Dublin was alright.

Galway,

not really.

Their Three telco provides good mobile plan.

So,

I'm surviving on the eat-all-you-can data plan.

Yeah.

Irony of travels.

WiFi.

Ben Lettery Connemara Hostel

Chilling with friendly volunteers.

Sipping glasses of red wine.

Playing Beatles on Youtube.

Those are lovely past midnight activities,

yes,

In Ben Lettery Connemara Hostel.

An unique Irish hostel,

fully managed by volunteers.

A well-chosen spot for quietness,

hiking,

just meeting people maybe.

An excellent choice indeed.

 — feeling blessed.

Into the Wilderness

Here I am,

First stop of the west of Ireland,

Galway.

Just for a couple of minutes.

In the bus,

Into the wilderness I go.

Elijah is my model today.

Want to experience the small still voice.

A ponder I have,

Are there more sheep than Irish in the land of Ireland?

St. Therese of Lisieux

She's my patron saint,

For my second name is Theresa. 

Today I stumbled into Whitefriar Church,

Where there's a shrine built for her.

Initial plan might have been as interesting.

But God's plan will always be better.

Despite the unknown and its fears,

I'll still trust in Him.

Not forgetting,

Today is the feast day of St. Augustine of Hippo.

Another great saint of the Church.

 — feeling blessed.

Dublin

Everything seems strangely familiar here.

Shops I saw in England,

Dublin has them too.

But as I took the bus from the airport,

I passed by houses with colourful doors.

Red.

Blue.

Green.

Yellow.

Adorning the whole row of terrace houses.

Despite the gloomy and cloudy day,

The friendliness of Irish,

and colourful doors,

made this a happier place.

Catching up with an old friend,

Eating Irish stew.

Perfect combo.

Though I'm exhausted,

I'm thankful I'm here.

It isn't even midnight,

everyone is asleep.

I am trying to be quiet.

Somehow I fail.

Maybe I should also sleep.

 — at The Times Hostel - Camden Place

Wifi on Public Bus

I know many places have it.

I'm already impressed by Dublin. 

A good start I guess.

The Journey Begins

Many might know.

Most might not.

To reward myself,

I planned an Irish journey of 16 days.

I've completed my masters,

after two years.

I thank God for everything.

Including my global friendship network.

I'm thrilled.

I DO have friends in Ireland.

Surprise! Surprise!

A surprise indeed.

So here am I,

sitting in Caffe Nero of Manchester Airport,

awaiting for my check-in.

Drop the backpack,

and off for lunch.

I have an hour of internet access.

Gonna make full use of it.

Why can't airports have unlimited wifi access??!

 — at Manchester Airport

Pre-Trip Anxiety

My train to airport is at 7 in the morning.

I'd have to get myself to bed soon.

Nope.

I haven't packed.

I sorta packed.

But I took out everything.

Weather is getting cooler.

Need to semi-packed some warm clothes.

Just in case it gets freaking cold.

I'm anxious.

I'm excited.

I'm unplanned.

God be my Guide.

God be my Light.

God be my Planner.

Let's see what fun God has in mind,

For His rather-at-loss child.

Yes.

It's me I'm talking about.

 — feeling anxious.

Running Errands

One, key fob retrieval from lab.

Two, samples in Genetic Analyzer.

Three, documents to be sent.

Four, workout and shower.

Five, analysis of results in lab.

Six, travel details to plan.

Seven, dirty laundry.

I'm at number 3.

When will I reach number 7?

Oh dear!

I'm starving too.

My stomach wants lunch!

Key Fob

Every life science student would have one.

That includes me.

I still have one batch of samples.

The final batch before closing this chapter.

Whole year I was careful not to lock myself.

Guess what?

On this very weekend,

I locked myself out of the lab.

Yeah.

Of all the days.

I guess everyone would have to experience this once.

I found someone who can borrow hers.

Thank God I contacted her tonight.

Waking up early to catch her at train station.

God is good,

All the time. — feeling relieved.

Home Alone

I know it's weird.

But I hadn't been truly home alone since leaving Spain.

The comfort and having CCTVs in accommodations.

I had been over-pampered by Daddy God.

I'm thankful I had a sms chat with a friend.

When the sense of aloneness was heightened.

Just random chatting for a short while.

It's odd, I was comforted.

Save electricity: Sleep Early.

My new motto.

Ha ha ha.

Today is the Day

The very last bits of my stuffs r lying on the floor.

The room is rather impersonal now.

No more photo frames.

No more mouse trails to my bed.

My dog nest has officially collapsed to ground zero.

Tonight I'll sleep on a different bed.

Tonight a new experience.

A house rather than studio flat.

When will I have a semi-permanent place again? — feeling nostalgic.

Junkie for Junks

Due to the unforeseen circumstances,

I've become a junkie.

NOT that kind of junkie you're thinking.

Just completely dependent on junk food.

No time to cook is a rubbish excuse.

Packing is depressing.

Moving isn't what I enjoy.

Yet, life is as such.

Second last night in my cozy alcove.

When will I find another rather permanent place?

Till then,

More instant food.

Ugh.

Distaste.

Genie

If only I have the Aladdin's lamp.

Rub it,

Genie comes and helps me.

Yeah.

Packing 101.

Find a genie.

Then things will be easier.

Crap!

Procrastination to the max right now.

Final Week in Lincoln

It's really a strange feeling.

Suddenly it's the final week here.

Yesterday I bade goodbye to another coursemate.

He's probably halfway home to Ethiopia.

Sitting on the church pew,

I'm amazed how far God has brought me to.

In a year here,

I've travelled four times out of UK.

The fifth will be to Ireland in 7 days time.

My God is an amazing God.

10AM

The moment when I wake up,

Thinking it's 8am.

Only to find out it's two hours late.

By the time I shower and go to uni,

It's lunch time.

I might as well reverse it.

Have a brunch,

Get ready.

Go to uni till sunset.

Yay.

Sounds like a plan.

Meteor Shower

Tonight is the peak of Perseid Meteor Shower.

I thought of catching one or two.

Craned my neck for 10 minutes each time.

Despite the cold.

Nothing.

Pollution of lights on the road I live on.

Ugh.

Distaste.

The West Commons is just few blocks away.

Free of light pollution for sure.

Yet alone am I.

Never a risk to take.

To walk to vast field in darkness.

Maybe,

One sweet day.

For now,

I shall dream of meteor rain.

Wardrobe

A place where my clothes called home.

When I move them out from it,

it's a significance that spells out the word "goodbye".

Another 14 days,

and I am bidding farewell to Lincoln.

When I return from Ireland,

no longer this flat is my home.

I will come back,

only as a tourist,

only as a guest,

and as a graduate.

It means a lot,

when I said I'm clearing my wardrobe.

This is a day I dread.

Yet,

it is also a day I have to face.

 — feeling sad.

Train Tickets

It's a habit of mine

Not throwing away most of my train tickets

I now have a big stack of them

Then I realised

For the year in the UK

I had traveled to many places.

Both within England and overseas.

Why didn't I conquer Scotland and Northern Ireland yet?? — feeling puzzled.

Packing and Moving

It's the time of the year again.

This time,

I'm walking into uncertainties.

I was in the lab for two afternoons.

A lot of work to be done.

With undivided attention.

If I start work right now,

my packing won't be done on time.

Giving myself two days to pack up.

Time to slowly bid goodbye.

To a lovely room.

It is just so sad.

This is the last weekend in Sherbourne House.

— feeling sad.

Gym

I've totally forgotten.

Today the gym is closed.

Staff training for them.

Walked to the entrance.

Only to remember it's today.

Thank God no one saw me.

I'd rather be the only telling it out.

Hahaha.

Oh! My English!

I'm definitely a non-native English speaker.

I used to think plural form of equipment is equipments.

Until recently,

I realize that it is an uncountable noun.

So, in plural form,

equipment is still equipment.

To add to clarity,

I can use "pieces of equipment".

Oh well.

It's a common mistake apparently.

Unfamiliarity

After days away from the lab,

I'm finally back to work.

It's a form of wrapping things up.

Suddenly everything seems so...

unfamiliar.

Things are where they used to be.

That's a relief.

But there are additional unused equipment.

For some reasons.

Cleared the dusty bench.

Moved a chair back to my prep lab.

Laptop on.

Dongle for GeneMarker back in the USB 2.0 port.

Time to see,

what to run for tonight.

Fingers crossed there won't be any power shortage

Perhaps after this,

familiarity will return.

Once in a Lifetime

A thought came to my mind:

Buying luggage space from Ryanair,

is equivalent to the additional payment for a nicer B&B,

The experience of taking a ferry

from Ireland to Wales..

Seems irreplaceable.

Honestly,

This is my once-in-a-lifetime Irish trip.

I may not do it again.

Well, of course,

unless,

one day I were to meet THE man,

who desires another Irish trip.

Right now,

such person has not shown himself to me.

And so...

Flying on budget airlines.

I do that all the time.

Sailing from Ireland to Wales...

Once in a lifetime.

 — feeling indecisive.

Adventurous

I will fly to Dublin.

I will roam around with Irish buses.

I will walk a lot.

Shall I add this?

I will return to UK by sea?

I'm feeling adventurous right now.

Sounds fun.

But I need to figure out,

where the heck are the ports!!! — feeling adventurous.

Blessedness

Many times I failed to see,

the blessings of being His pampered princess.

The imperfections in me He overlooked,

only seeing me as His beloved.

Ever so faithful is Him,

even when I was unfaithful and went astray.

"How great Thou art!"

My only acclamation of the day,

nothing pleases me more than knowing

that He is near.

He sent me angels to help and comfort me.

And His blessings are overflowing.

As always.

Forever.

This awesome One is the one true God.

All glory and honour and praise be to Him!

The great news is...

I PASSED MY PROJECT MODULE.

 — feeling blessed with Edgar Aristion and 8 others.

Keep Calm And....

These "Keep Calm And...." phrases are everywhere.

I think it all started with "Keep Calm and Carry On"?

Right now, I do need that.

Keeping calm,

waiting for something to happen.

Ugh.

No plans.

Well, travelling is fun.

I AM looking forward for the trip.

What will happen next then???

No idea.

How do I keep calm and carry on??

I'm driving myself nuts.

 — feeling meh.

Lack of Sleep

This is one of those times.

Body clock went cuckoo.

Sleep evaded me until the break of dawn.

When sleep happened,

The mailman's knock woke me up.

How I understand dogs right now.

No wonder many see mailman as foes.

Pumped adrenaline into the body.

Now the tired body is devoid of sleep.

O my sleep, come back to me.

I need it for concentration in the afternoon!

Long Time No See

It's been a while.

I left my brain at home after defense.

And went all the way down south.

Returned up north.

One day I spent with myself.

One day I hung out with friends.

It's time to say HI to my lab.

Oh, the long-abandoned Genetic Analyzer too!

Exciting times.

Two weeks.

With GenePop and Arlequin hopefully.

Now with my Irish homeless wanders half-planned.

I can finally bring my brain back into the lab.

Once again.

 — feeling determined.

It Is Never Too Much

I'm greedy.

So, I'm sorta stuck.

Dublin.

Connemara.

Galway.

Killarney.

Cork.

Many days in Killarney,

equates to few coach tours?

Dingle...

And...

Maybe one more.

And I should be broke by then.

Home to England?

Continue to Northern Ireland?

Too much on my mind now.

Suggestions, Tom Nixon!!!

P/S: I'd need to bunk in at your place by then....

Ireland

Yes.

I'm going on an Irish trip.

I booked three nights of hostel stay in Dublin.

The point of no return.

Anyone want to come with me?

Pimples

I'm way passed teenage years.

Now I've got a silly pimple maturing in between my nostrils.

It's the worst place.

Annoying.

Silly.

Pimple!

Ugh.

New Heart

"A new heart I will give you,

and a new spirit I will put within you;

and I will remove from your body the heart of stone

and give you a heart of flesh."

A bible verse from the book of Ezekiel.

Chapter 36.

Verse 26.

I, too,

desires a new heart,

and a new spirit.

I shall seek God,

and not humans,

when it comes to me being me.

To Ireland's wilderness I shall go,

in search for God's peace.

And to find myself,

in God's eyes.

Once again.

Stitch

Anyone would know Stitch,

The Disney character from Lilo & Stitch

He's awfully charming

Amazingly supportive

Wonderfully loyal

But he has glitches

And can be destructive when frustrated

Doesn't know how to express his love at times.

This weekend

I became the destructive Stitch

Hurting the one whom I care much

Just because I don't know how to handle

Now Stitch feels like leaving

Because Stitch will hurt

The one whom Stitch is with.

Sorry. — feeling sorry.

Hillsong Conference Night

Finally.

The day has arrived.

I'm out from my bird cage for the weekend.

Off to London for Hillsong Conference Night.

Then to Southampton for few days.

A good reward.

For completion of my dissertation.

Look forward for time with precious people.

You, and you, and you...

You guys know who you are!

And yes, highlight,

WORSHIP TIME!!

It's been FAR TOO LONG.

This thirst in me.

To sing,

To shout,

To jump,

To dance.

Just for the Lord and the Lord alone.

Gleefully waiting in anticipation.

 — feeling excited.

Complete Cycle

Two years ago,

Around this time of the year,

I was fretting over my Spanish visa.

Two years later,

I've completed the cycle.

Four semesters,

Three host countries,

Two years in Europe,

A masters degree.

Almost there,

Shy the official results.

Pioneer batch.

All ready (sort of)...

To be despatched.

Wherever it may be.

Dreams do come true.

In mysterious ways.

In God's timing.

All glory and praise to God,

For His blessings upon us.

Uncharted waters from now.

But I trust in Him,

The One who will be the Compass,

As I explore the uncharted future.

Amen. — feeling blessed.

The Final Hour

My friend Lia Vania Dewi is presenting now.

I am..

SUPER NERVOUS.

I need prayers.

The hour has come.

This is it.

My work of 6 months.

All the crazy running around finding cheek cells.

Randomly chatting up with people.

Just to find out if they were Malaysians.

Nurul Hamzah would know what I did.

HA HA HA. 

— feeling challenged.

Uncertainty

My slides are sorta completed.

If I don't change my mind for the 100th time in the morning.

I need to read up.

Familiarise with what I wrote.

Constantly uncertain.

Suddenly,

I feel so weak,

so helpless.

Suddenly,

the Spanish worship song came to my mind:

"Solo en tu amor me haces fuerte,

solo en tu vida me haces fuerte,

en mi debilidad te haces fuerte en mi..."

Yupe.

In my weaknesses, You are strong,

my Lord and my God.

Amen.

Final Presentation

In less than 12 hours,

it shall be THE presentation.

All the hard work (maybe not so!) for the past 6 months,

shall be history.

Or not so yet.

I am still going through the slides.

Thinking of what should or should not be in it.

It's hard to make decisions.

All seems relevant.

Maybe it's just me?

Haha.

Definitely it's just me.

Who else, right?

It's MINE.

Ok, say a prayer for me.

PLEASE.

I NEED IT!!

That I may pass this final hurdle.

To a better (?!) future.

To be known as Erasmus Mundus Alumni.

To hold a Masters in Forensic Science.

*chuckles*

To join the unemployed chart.

Ironic, isn't it? 

— feeling nervous.

Tiramisu vs. Treadmill

Both start with the letter "T".

Both are currently in my life.

One is super delicious, but a huge temptation.

One is super healthy, but a huge challenge.

In order to wallop another tiramisu,

I went on treadmill for 40 minutes.

Yeah.

What the heck.

Destressing Cooking

Oh yeah,

I am preparing my dissertation defense.

And I am stressed.

What I do with it?

Besides sleeping day and night?

COOKING!!

I have rendang and masala curry boiling away.

Haha.

Enjoyed the cutting therapy.

Onions, garlics.

Woohoo!

Stress and Sleep

This is my theory.

My story.

When I'm stressed,

I get sleepy.

And I sleep.

A whole lot more than usual,

At very odd hours.

Like just now.

I was sleepy for the whole day.

I slept the whole day too.

How cool is that?

Very.

Rainy Day

The alarm clock rang.

Opened my eyes.

Great.

It's cold.

Nose partially blocked.

It's grey out there.

Raining.

I wanted pancake for breakfast.

Alas, forgot the milk.

I'll make do with biscuits then.

Too lazy to drag my body.

A full day ahead. — feeling sleepy.

Surprise Call

Basically,

A surprise is a surprise,

ONLY when it is at the right timing.

A surprise call is BAD

when you called your bestie from afar

only to find out bestie is arguing with the partner.

No hard feelings of course.

It's your bestie we're talking about.

Somehow you'll understand,

it's just bad timing.

And,

try again next time.